Okay here's a little more about last week, which I ran out of time to write. My companionship was just NOT going well. Let me tell you, alone time is precious time that just doesn't happen on a mission.
I learned that whistling is my go-to thing that I mindlessly do when I'm feeling really happy. ...or uncomfortable...or sad. Softly whistling a hymn just kind of filled in the gaps. It was a good source of comfort for me my second week. ....until my companion told me that she hates whistling. Believe it or not, it is a challenge not to whistle when the whims of your heart beg you to... :) hahaha if that makes any sense, but really! It is painstakingly difficult! It's like holding a butterfly in your mouth and not letting it out... Yeah.
Well, we watched a missionary video one day and Gordon B. Hinckley said, "Stand tall, and with a song in your heart, move forward." Ahah! There it was, not only my whistling solution, but also I thought I figured out how to keep going! I decided to work on patience, but it wasn't so much that she was hard to be with, it was just this core disappointment that I was with someone that treated me a way that gave me the impression that she didn't know who I was..
Por eso, planning, teaching, studying, sleeping, EVERYTHING you could imagine was impossible to do with a missionary attitude and the Spirit as your companion.
One night, I couldn't sleep whatsoever. I just wanted to talk to someone! I felt very very alone. I knew I was never alone with Heavenly Father always there, but I didn't want to talk to Him because I knew if I did, I would have to humble myself before him and forgive my companion. I didn't want to forgive her. I wanted HER to apologize to ME. ...ha well that's not a fun feeling to be that prideful. I seriously just sat in my bed staring at the wall for quite some time sad, angry, alone, debating on whether or not I would turn to Heavenly Father. Finally, I did. The next morning, I worked up a song in my heart and put a smile on my face. During class, I decided to thank my companion for sharing her opinion. During the lesson with our practice investigator, I related my self to Enos. I wanted the Spirit back and I knew I had to actually talk to my companion. As soon as I decided to forgive her, a REAL GENUINE smile showed up and I asked her as we were going back in if I could talk to her before lunch. We went to a pretty white bench outside and sat. I told her that I apologized to her for how the companionship was going. We talked for a while, communicated (finally) to each other and I felt free. It was only a few minutes that we talked, but felt so great. So we went on and things were great!
Until they weren't.
I was very confused when she continued to do the same thing the next few days... I asked Heavenly Father why this was still going on! My answer was this, Christ walked the path of temptation and of pain and of disappointment--it's part of mortal life--BUT His path was full of obedience, service, and prayer.
Because of that, he understands our individual pain, trials, temptaions, and so on. He was mortal just like us; however, he still is the perfect example of what we need to do in our mortal life.
"As I have loved you, love one another. By this shall men know ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."
That's what I had to do, just love.
Hermana Olson
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